Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
