Its about making memories worth repressing
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
