smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
