We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
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