someone threw a dead crab at me
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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