we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
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