there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
