I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
