i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
