I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
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