you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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