Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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