I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Randomize
