so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
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