can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
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