Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
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