Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Randomize
