ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
