He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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