so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Randomize