I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
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