I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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