Old men and throwing up are my life now.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
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I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
my poor anus
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We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize