TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Randomize
