I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
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you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
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