do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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