what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Randomize
