Can i not drive my cunt home
People in love make me want to vomit
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Randomize
