The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
