you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
ugly people sure do ruin things
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
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Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
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everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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