I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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