I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
