he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
