she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
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whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
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Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
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