I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
We are two peas in an std pod
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
