is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Randomize
