My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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