Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
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