Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
