maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
