where am i from again
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
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