if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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