i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
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She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
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