could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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