You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
