I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
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