hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Randomize
