he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
