I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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