When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
