I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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