three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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