no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
That accounts for only three of the penises
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Randomize
