Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
