Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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