Dual....:-)
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I want to fling myself into the sun
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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