I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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