its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
