I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
