You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Randomize