her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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