I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
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