Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
