u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
