Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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