why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
