told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
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He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
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Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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