can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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