Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
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