I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I am available for nakedness
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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