I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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