My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
